Puppet’s Echoes - BonesSnowlight - Naruto (Anime & Manga) [Archive of Our Own] (2024)

Sai knows he’s an outsider.

He knows his place as a ninja.

He knows his place as a teammate.

He is simply just a replacement, just as Yamato is. But Yamato is different from him. Because he can feel. He can read the mood. He knows what to say and what not to say in social environments.

Yamato is human. Yamato worries for his teammates safety. He allows Kakashi to tease him because he enjoys the teasing. Yamato glares and reprimands Naruto and Sakura when they do something reckless, not because losing shinobi is a waste, but because Yamato loves. Sai… does not.

Sai doesn't love like Naruto, the hyperactive loudmouth, one of the most powerful Shinobi in the whole world. He brings light into the eyes of people around him. He gets angry super easily, and he forgives super easily. He gets hungry for food because he loves. Sai does not feel ‘love.’

He doesn't love like Sakura, the proud and confident, short tempered civilian shinobi, unparalleled to even members of a clan with powerful kekkei genkai. She heals the people around her, physically and emotionally, she reads their behaviour and encourages them when they feel low, not because it could compromise a mission, but because she loves.

He doesn’t love like Sasuke, the one who wanted to destroy the village, murder hundreds because of revenge. Because he loved his brother more than anything in the world. He would do anything for his family—his team. Sasuke trusts his team, not because his team was assigned to be together to be used on missions, but because they connected with each other. Sasuke laughed and cried with the others. Sai only followed orders. Sai does not feel.

He has no family. He isn’t included in the family they have created.

His heart clenches in this realisation.

Huh?

His… cheeks feel wet.

Sai doesn’t want to remember why. Nothing.

He doesn’t—

…

He is not supposed to feel.

Maybe it’s better this way.

That he doesn’t feel.

That he stays far away.

He is just a puppet. He smiles in front of the mirror, his reflection following his movements. It looks empty.

It looks empty just as he is empty.

—

“You’re a part of this team too Sai!” Naruto grinned, hooking him up by the neck. Sakura nodded as well, giving him that same grin and with a thumbs up as she pulls both her boys to the other members of their team.

“Hurry up, idiots.” Sasuke smirked. Yamato waves with a laugh, handing Sai a bento that Kakashi had made hours before.

“Woah, sensei’s cooking!? Are you sure this isn’t poisoned!?”

The silver haired man beside Sasuke looks at him dryly, moving to take away the bento from the blond, “If you don’t want my cooking, I can give you Sakura—chan’s cook—“ “NO—NO IT’S FINE! I’LL EAT IT!!”

“That’s rude, I got better at this…” She pouted. In the corner of his eye, he notices his brother waving and laughing when he listens in to the conversation, watching from afar.

—

And oh, recalling his infinite dream makes it hurt so much more.

Puppets did not have emotions. Puppets did not care. He preferred being a puppet instead of being human. Being human nonononoidontwanttobeapuppet hurts too much.

This puppet was fractured.

That couldn’t happen. He mustn’t be thrown away.

So Sai puts on his mask and he kneels

—

Sakura declares that he needs to stay in the hospital for at least a week before giving him a strange look. Was she worried that he was falling behind on his service?

“I’ll be fine.” He assured her with a smile. He’s not sure he’s succeeded.

She shook her head and kept her lips closed. He could see it thinning as she turned around and scribbled on her clipboard.

A drop of sweat drips down his face as a puff of air escapes him. The coolness of the room leaves a visible cloud. His eyelids fall hesitantly in the stifling air. It leaves him tossing and turning restlessly as he tries to get some sleep.

It takes hours, but eventually, his mind drifts off to the cooling sensation of a damp towel and a probably—hallucinated hand carding through his hair, gently untangling each strand from each knot and brushing it away from his sticky face.

He sighs quietly, thankful for the kind hand for easing his headache.

Above him, the pink haired medic replaced a cold towel with a newly warmed one, squeezing out the excess water that had been absorbed. There is a sad smile on her face as she listens to the delirious murmurs of his former master. She deeply wished she could destroy the man all over again for the pain he inflicted on her teammates and the village.

—

“Woah—“ Naruto ducks when a kunai suddenly gets whipped out to strike his whisker—like cheek. His arms were raised in surrender as if someone had accused him of a crime and he was about to get arrested.

Or he touched the shoulder of a highly strung out ninja after a week long tiring mission.

Naruto laughed sheepishly as Sai retreated his kunai, “Sorry, that’s on me.”

“What did you need?” Sai wanted his heart to stop pounding so quickly, Sai wanted his mind to stop repeating that moment, that instinct that could have ripped his teammate’s throat out.

“Want to get some food? Me and Sakura—chan are going out to eat tonight! Sasuke is going to be there too, and Yamato—taichou. Apparently Sensei’s too busy doin stuff but he’s probably just playin’ hooky n’ just reading his stupid book.” Naruto rambled and huffed as he talked about Kakashi.

There is a certain soft fondness in his tone as he talks about his family. Sai wonders if there’s something like that if/when Naruto talks about him.

Probably not.

“Sorry.” Sai offered lamely. The muscles in his shoulder relaxed and his face was placid, but his body remained coiled up and tense. He escaped into the shadows.

The blond frowned.

—

“No.”

Beneath the mask, he stills. “Why?”

The Hokage frowns at the question. “You just came back from another mission back to back. And another mission before that. I’m not approving this. Take a break.”

“There is still much to be done.” The masked ANBU reminds him.

“We are at peace.” The Hokage emphasises.

A long silence spreads through the room as the silver haired man’s eyes—two black eyes left him feeling unnerved, he was used to one lone eye piercing into his empty soul— gaze upon his kneeled form.

He feels the man watching him. The ANBU doesn’t answer. He should accept the Hokage’s decision, but that meant he couldn’t distract himself from feeling. He couldn’t have that. This broken puppet was going to do everything to stay useful.

The man’s gaze shifts, from Sai’s mask, to the paperwork on the table, to the pack of equipment and other weapons Sai had stored, and finally he sighs.

He blinks. There is a hand on his shoulder.

He looks up.

The man had taken off the Hokage hat. His expression seemed forlorn despite the fact that half of his face was completely covered by fabric.

“Take off your mask.”

“But—“

“There is no one here, take it off.”

The ANBU nodded slowly, lowering his mask. The stiffness in his posture read as distaste.

“Sai,” Kakashi’s tone was soft, “Talk to me.”

“What?” Sai blinked.

Unsurprisingly, Kakashi doesn’t answer, having a habit of being incredibly vague 100% of the time. This didn’t help Sai at all, when Kakashi suddenly opened the door and gestured to him to follow. He blinks. There are two Kakashi’s in the room.

He stands up to follow the real one. This was his Hokage after all.

It stayed quiet as they walked. Sai didn’t know where they were going or why this was happening at all but it made his skin crawl. Danzo never did this during his training or missions.

“When I was younger, much younger than you, Sai, I plunged myself into doing solo missions to ignore my problems.”

…

They stop at the memorial stone. “To ignore that his son was born on the day he died. To ignore that I didn’t, no, couldn’t find the courage to fight for Naruto, to care and protect him as an older brother should. I almost died doing that.”

Sai tilts his head in confusion. “I don’t have any problems to ignore.

Kakashi raised his eyebrow in mild disbelief.

“I don’t.” He insisted.

“And so, what about your team?”

“My team?” He repeated in confusion.

“You know Sakura, Naruto and Tenzo’s schedules well and you take great efforts to avoid them. When you see that Tenzo is in the village, you put on your mask and bow. When you cross Sakura and Naruto by accident, you treat them harshly, almost like you’re trying to close yourself off. So?”

“I…” he hesitated, “ I am always harsh. Naruto has said this before.”

“You don’t normally consider what he says.” Kakashi quips, shoving his hands in his pocket in a way that exudes laziness, though it was all fake. The man was always observing his surroundings.

“I do.” He glared, his tone being much harsher than he intended it to. Ah. he sees the problem.

“Listening is a skill important in a team. If you fail to listen to your captain or just refuse to follow orders, everyone on that team dies.”

“Mhm?”

Sai feels a crack in his facade. Kakashi seemed aloof.

“I always listen to what my team says.” Sai repeats, averting his eyes by looking down, consoling his mind by thinking, it’s what he’s supposed to do as an ANBU. “Most of it is true.”

“Like what?” Kakashi urged, oddly attentive for this pointless conversation.

“I am much more efficient in secrecy, infiltration and interrogation with intimidation or irritation.” He paused as Kakashi nodded encouragingly.

“And that… I am generally unfeeling and simply just a replacement for the Uchiha. I’m not really a part of this team.” His chest felt heavier at the admittance. He stared at the space beside Kakashi, a part of him hoping, pleading that the man would refute his words, a different part of him, begging, to agree with him. He wanted the war in his mind to be over.

At this moment in time, he feels as though both answers would leave him shattered.

Kakashi froze. “Did he say that to you?”

Sai simply shook his head, smiling and pretending it didn’t bother him. “When we first met. Understandably so since we got along like oil and water, but even if he has stopped mentioning it aloud, I still know my place.”

“Your… place?”

Sai nodded in spite of the heavy dread. Kakashi’s voice felt sharp and monotonous. Thinking. Contemplating.

“Yes. As the Uchiha is back to the village, Naruto’s and Sakura’s goals have been met, and in turn has no need for a replacement teammate. Therefore, I am able to return to my role as ANBU and—“

A hand lands on his shoulder, squeezing it tightly, he fights his Shinobi instincts to retaliate, it wouldn’t do good to attack his Hokage.

“Sai.” Kakashi muttered quietly, so quietly that Sai had almost thought he was hearing things, but the way Kakashi’s eyebrows had softened made him rethink it. He looked like he was in disbelief.

Sai tilted his head.

“You are a part of this team.”

The boy shook his head—that was all he was after all, a child just like the others. A child that was forced to grow up beyond their years.

“A Genin team is generally made up of threes and a Jounin Sensei. They usually break off after being promoted, however, this team still takes on the name of Team 7. So, they are a team. I am not. I was not there when the team was first assigned.” He stated factually.

“And… Tenzou?”

“Yamato—taichou has been able to connect with the other team members, he is able to lead fairly well and is a well rounded Shinobi,” He closed his eyes, biting down his emotional opinions and attempted to give out a more robotic report.

Kakashi didn’t know what was worse, Sai treating all of this as facts, or the realisation that neither Naruto nor Sakura have ever told the boy to his face that he was a part of the team nor have they invited him to any team 7 get—togethers in recent months.

Kakashi knew it was because Sai was the one making himself scarce, (though the two have tried)(and blamed it on Sai’s eccentrics) however, his team has had a bad habit of making assumptions on each other without ever ensuring it’s true.

Sakura and Naruto were always more active in hanging out together, knowing exactly what each other liked and disliked— a result of growing up together, he mused. Unfortunately, this probably helped isolate the poor boy more, having even less social skills than the Uchiha who declared that he wanted to kill his brother in the first five minutes they met. Ah the memories of when they were genin.

Kakashi digressed, it was no different with Sasuke either. It seemed like Sai could read the fact that Sasuke was the missing puzzle piece in this team. The one person that Naruto could bicker with, knowing exactly what each other has been through and trusting each other to the fullest. Sasuke was the one person who could read Sakura’s hidden insecurities and encourage her in a way that didn’t downplay her victories, nor insult her in any way.

He could see where Sai had assumed that he had no part in this picture. Admittedly, he fell into this trap as well, mentioning memories that Sai hadn’t been present for, it was inevitable. But there was one thing Sai completely missed from this picture.

Abruptly, Kakashi interrupted Sai with a quick glance, wrapping his arm across his back and onto the boy’s shoulder on his other side. “Teams are always changing.”

Sai nodded in confusion. That was another fact.

Kakashi refrained from sighing, “That doesn’t make the connection any less important.”

“That doesn’t seem very believable, Hokage—sama.”

“When Tsunade—sama retired from being a Hokage, does that make her any less one to you?”

He shook his head, “It would be strange to think of her any less than our Godaime.”

“Right. And Tenzou, he is no longer your captain, but you still consider him your captain, do you not?”

Sai blinked and lowered his head hesitantly, “I suppose so. But… the role of a leader is not the same as being… well… family.”

“If I went missing, there would be no one close to me who would search for me.” He muttered, envy unintentionally leaking in his tone.

‘Not like Naruto or Sasuke or Sakura or even Yamato, all well beloved or well known by their peers.’ Was left unsaid.

Kakashi stiffened, “That’s not true. I would send out people to search for you just as I did Yamato.”

Sai nodded appeasingly, “You are the Hokage after all.”

The silver haired man shook his head, “No, I am your Sensei, you are one of my precious people, Sai.”

Said boy tries to wriggle out of his Hokage’s embrace, it was starting to become uncomfortable, but Kakashi held on.

“You’re not just a replacement anymore, you know? I know for a fact that you’ve made a place in their heart. You’re honest about your opinions, you’ve learned what you’ve done wrong and tried to correct it, sometimes fail at it, sometimes fall into bad habits. You pour all of your passion into your creations, all of the gifts that you’ve made for your team but never gave,” Sai tried to blink away the little droplets in his eyes, he never knew how observant the man could be, “You try to make your teammates laugh with jokes when they are down. You are just as human as we are, you just… you were never given the chance to live your childhood. You are loved.”

“That’s… impossible, Sensei. I am just—I am just a puppet to be used. How can a… a broken puppet be loved?” He whispered, wanting to return this strangely warm embrace, but not knowing whether he should.

Kakashi growled protectively, “f*ck whatever rules and regulations or any beliefs and expectations ROOT instilled into you, Right now, I am your Hokage, and I’m telling you, you are not a puppet. You are human. And you are a part of this team.”

“…Uchiha hates me.” Sai murmured as a futile attempt to refute this claim.

“Sasuke hates everyone.” Kakashi snorted.

“Naruto and Sakura—chan think of you as their little brother, I know they don’t show it well, but come to my apartment tomorrow, rest from all these missions, okay? They don’t do you any well. You’re overtired and Sakura—chan’s going to pummel you into oblivion when she finds out you’re aggravating your injuries and then she’s going to pummel me for letting you go on missions this long.”

“That seems like a bad thing.”

Kakashi laughed heartily, finally letting go of Sai, though he was oddly dismayed at the act. He already misses the warmth that came from the hug.

Somehow, his chest doesn’t feel as cold anymore.

“That’s how she shows that she cares.”

How strange.

—

The warmth grows when he takes Kakashi’s advice that day. True to his word, Sakura yells and lectures, but not without pulling him into a hug as well, almost crushing his bones. She sighs fondly and it feels like the wind breezing by the window during the first day of spring. Her presence felt refreshing.

Sasuke seemed to glower at Naruto as they spent the time playing against each other.

Eventually, the blond notices Sai being patched up and invites him to sit on the couch and hands him a bowl of nutritious food—not ramen—and helps him eat it. He grins and it feels like the sun warming the grass and melting away all of the ice cold snow. His presence filled him with warmth amidst the winter storm in his heart.

Sai didn’t know how to describe Sasuke, he didn’t know the man well enough, but his presence didn’t feel as scathing as he expected. The piercing, hateful spikes in his chakra seems to have faded, or well, blunted when it comes to interacting with his teammates.

Kakashi tells Sai that it included him too. He thinks the man is getting delusional in his old age.

Throughout the day, Sasuke gives him strange glances and shrugs at the end of it, “You’re weird.”

It sounded funny coming from him. Which is funny in itself. Sai thought he had left all this emotional business behind. He thought he had been useless for having these things in his heart. And now he was being told it was normal.

It was incredibly funny. Sai makes complete eye contact and randomly mentions, “You’re like a hedgehog, Uchiha—san.”

Sakura gasps, “You’re right! He’s like a cute hedgehog!”

“A cute hedgehog? I think that’s too kind to this jerk, he’s more like a cactus, right Taichou!?”

“I… what? I don’t think you guys are on the same page at all.”

“Ma… I can see it.”

“I am not a hedgehog.” Sasuke glared.